trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
