so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
