Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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