So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
