you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my being single is dangerous.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
