I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
