I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
