Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Can I color on your dick again?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
