I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Semen is not good for contacts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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