Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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