I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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