I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We had to coat check the pizza.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
