It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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