Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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