i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
