If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
