I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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