Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
