We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
