Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize