I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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