Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
