these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize