Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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