there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
