Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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