I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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