Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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