i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
