it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
