her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
