come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize