So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
