Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
