i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
