They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
