He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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