I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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