White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
