Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just found puke in my bra..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
