If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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