I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
