I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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