come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
