Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
