I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
