dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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