If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
