guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
