East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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