We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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