Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
