Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
