I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
