Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
