1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize