i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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