Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
