So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
