I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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