you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
