i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
