I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
