Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
