If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
